Cheap: Spending Habit
I have been wondering about what makes people cheap. I am referring to their spending or rather not spending habit. I am not talking about trying to save money, but more to the extreme. Let’s say that you have a friend who hardly puts out his share when you guys hang out. We all have a friend or two like that I am sure.
Is cheap something people are born with or they growing into it? Some say they are born with it. No matter how rich they are, if they were born cheap, they will be cheap for life. I know people who make six figures, yet they nickel and dime even their own relatives.
I argue that cheap is something you adapt to, especially if you come from a hardship background. When I was growing up, I witnessed what my mother had gone through to make money, and that makes me think twice about spending money. She worked in a sweatshop making 50 cents a pop, and often time, she had to skip lunch to compete with her coworkers. That image creeps up on my every time I make a purchase I am not sure if I should get it or not.
So I admit that I do think hard when throwing out money, but not to the point of extreme. As long as you don’t take advantage of me, I don’t take advantage of you. If we go out and you cover me this time, I’ll cover you the next. I don’t know if I am cheap or not, but I know that I am not a big spender. And that brings me to the next point.
Do people know that they are cheap? It doesn’t take much to see if people are cheap or not, but do they know that they are cheap? Or they just simply don’t care as long as they don’t have to touch their pocket. Is there any psychological study that explains the characteristic of cheap?
Someone pointed out to me this article: “Being Cheap/Generous is in Your Genes!“
Not having read the article, I would say:
1. One is born a “blank piece of paper,” so to speak, when it comes to issues such as this.
2. Rather, spending habit is “learned” behaviour, from your parents, upbringing, circumstances, etc. (To some degree, it is also situational: if I ain’t got the money, of course I would think twice about spending.)
My parents are split right down the middle on money management, and I tend to be not very anal about my spending.
It’s driven by greed too. The more you have, the richer you want to be, the less you want to spend. I’ve seen numerous people who have nothing but they do spend big, because they ain’t have nothing to lose..
On the other hand, most Chinese I know are very cheap, so go figure… Is it genes, greed, the way you’re brought up, or what?
I like your writing style very much, Donny!
I’m not sure if it’s born with but I can’t stand cheap people either. These people don’t last very long in the frienship department. I wonder if cheap people know that they’re being cheap.
I usually find that people who spend moderate are well-grounded while people who spend too much or too little are either lack of substance or have little regard for others. Successful business spend millions to keep their employees happy and attract potential customers. So there is no reason why we couldn’t do the same. I think one of the best investment you can make is on your friends beside your wife of course :). So to put it short I think cheap people just aren’t taught the reward of being generous.
Here are my two cents:
Without going too deep, let’s consider that this is not a recent phenomenon but rather a trait that’s been modernized as ‘cheap’. Surely we hear of the wartime generations, specifically WWII America but generally any conflict-mired socio-economic situation, that out of necessity and survival ate every last bread crumb and counted each and every penny (of course gas cost about a nickel back then). This is the time when some would say ‘cheap-consciousness’ originated. But this ‘cheap’ can be examined through two dynamics: frugality and selfishness. On one hand, being frugal is generally an admired trait; it is the effort not to waste, to become self-reliant and not to become dependent on the kindness or compulsion of your neighbors (read: govn’t welfare) or in otherwords, to live within your means.
Frugality is a measure of self-control and determination; along with opportunity, it is the respectable path to the American Dream (read: material well-being). These days there seem to be an association between ‘cheap behavior’ and frugality or rather it’s that frugality is looked as a symptom of selfishness. And at the bottom of it all, I think that’s what people get irked about—the other person acting TOO selfish. It’s the feeling that the other person is so consumed by their own well-being as not to have any concern for you. Sometimes it helps to know where this ’selfish’ person is coming from before passing judgment…
Frugality and cheap aren’t the same. When someone is poor or struggling with finance, he isn’t cheap. He simple doesn’t have much. It’s more understandable than the person who could effort everything, but still calculating every penny.
oh there is a huge different between being cheap and being frugal. Being frugal = doesn’t go out as much with your friends. Being cheap = still go out as much just let them pay for it.
I work with a guy who is an extremely nice person, except he is really cheap (and no, he is not poor). It really bothers me sometime. Him, me and 2 other coworkers went out for lunch one day, we ordered spring orolls for appetizer. He did not eat one, so when the bill came, he asked if he can pay one buck less since he did not eat the spring rolls (we normally divide the cost evenly)… Does it really necessary to go such distance for one buck?!!!!
I got cut off with my earlier post. I’ve posted my complete thoughts elsewhere.
Son Doan, your friend is really really beyond cheapness. Is he
Vietnamese?
I have a problem of not spending on myself but I will give away $
to the needy ones and the poorer
friends. Am I being cheap to myself? I love to treat my friends well but I don’t know why I am like this to only my self. I feel very guilty if I splurge on me. I would give alot of $$$ to churches in VN but I won’t
buy an expensive dress full price.
Don’t get me wrong I have alot of nice clothes because I am an expert at shopping for bargains. I wish I can get rid of the guilty feeling because I deserve to splurge on myself once in a while.
Thu Hoai, Awww you are too sweet. I am sure your husband spend on you though right? :)
Hi Hoang, actually he doesn’t!
He doesn’t have time to shop that
much. He does get me everything I need though. He works very hard
so I don’t really have to practice nursing anymore unless I want to work to keep my RN license. We
just go around on weekends performing as a hobby. On the week days I basically just work about 3 hours a day in nursing and I do other stuff until my kids come back from school. In a sense,
I guess my guy give me alot of securtiy and he is very devoted to me and the kids so I really don’t need anything. I enjoy giving stuff away to friends in need of stuffs so my house is pretty much
very bare and simple because I believe less is more!! LOL
That is really sweet. I need my a guy like that so I don’t have to go to work :)
Anyway, has Visualgui.com turned into a married club? Is there any single reader left?
dude… you betrayed the single’s club.
i understand though.
You’re pimping too much, man. I can’t keep up with ya :)
I’m the last single guy here…I’m not cheap…(just getting desperate)…make a move on me please..he he..
Well everyone has their own ways of spending..Some may agree some may not with how others spend. Some people prefer to spend on clothes, cars, investments and getting rich, some spends on leisure activities, electronics, gadgets, sport gears and cds. My sister think i spend too much on cds and going out. And i think she spends too much on clothes..he he… But one thing is that we never really spend too much.. and we make sure it’s something worthwhile to buy.We still have it well under control. And we do contribute to charities, sponsored child, and relatives who are in needs. And we make sure we r not taking advantages of any one else..so basically sensible. I make sure that i don’t end up being a cheap guy. When we split the bill i’m often make sure i’d give at least the right amount. I’d hate to have a tag of cheap behind my back, as often u know people talk behind the back of the cheap ones. And also when i go out with a girl,a relative or someone who is unemployed, or when i feel generous, i don’t mind to pay for the bill. But even then, most of the time people don’t want u to shout them, and at first i didn’t know why they refuse the gesture. But when i put my self in their positions i understand that i wouldn’t want someone to pay my bill for me as well..
I’m not very good at explaining my points of view, and i think ur blog allow me to practice my expression Donny.
Yeah, back to the cheap guy, i had a friend who i gave a lift home once, and a couple of weeks later i gave him another lift, and he asked me if i found a 2 dollars coin he thought he dropped in my car. I said no, and he searched around and below the seat for it..he he
However i have no problems with people who want to split the bill exactly..I think they have the right to pay for what they eat and if that’[s what they want then i’d let them do the calculations. If they want to round off it’s fine too. But i’d hate to owe any one money, i rather be the one who pay out a bit extra.
I think it’s not too bad when we go out one on one, but when it’s a group and there’s a calculating one, it’s often more difficult as everyone else try to keep it simple and keep the mood happy.
In summary, i wrote too much about myself here. I’m the only single guy here.. and i’m not too cheap. So Donny u have to find me a nice girl…he he
Ok LamDien I will keep a lookout
for single girls! :) You can always hang out with a band cause the girls love to hang out with the band. One of my band mate found a beautiful nice girl as a result of tagging a long with us.
Ok, so Donny I am off to another beautiful wedding gig. This is at Golden City for a young sweet couple. I am looking forward to
giving the guets a great time.
I will miss your singing and dancing.
Tonight I will sing alot of classic Vietnamese oldies such
as “Huong ve Hanoi” , “ngam ngui”
“HoaiCam” and “Huong Xua”.
I cann’t believe it. I got a list of 25 requested songs from the bride’s family. I cann’t wait to sing “Thuong ve mien Trung” I have never dare to sing this song before. BTW, anh Hinh said you are looking really fit when he saw you last Sat Donny. Marriage is a good thing for you. .. plus you seem really smooth with your dance moves compared to before marriage. You must been practicing at home alot huh ..LOL.
Have a great weekend.
Lam Dien, you’re lucky. Thu Hoai got some hot girls tagging along her band ;)
Marriage is so good so far. Can’t complaint. When I hear a hot beat, I groove to it. If you call that practice :)
Thu Hoai, that’s great! I like your husband already :). When I first look at a guy I look at how he treat his woman and/or his mom. It doesn’t matter how smart/generous or whatever else he appear to be if he showed no respect for his woman then to me he can’t be trusted.
Lam Dien, you can never write too much about yourself :). You seem to be a pretty straight up guy which is a good thing. I was raised by my mom to be generous. I am a pretty low maintenance guy so I don’t need to spend a lot on myself. However I am not afraid to spend money on the top of the line item if I need it. The way I see it is that I would rather get something worth while than spending a little money here and there on stuffs that I end up having to get rid of. Anyway I usually don’t label people for their spending habit as long as they spend their own money.
I am also believe in being nice. Mommy taught me that too. But she is a lot nicer than me. I certainly don’t believe in being nice to the point of being taking advantage of. When hanging out in a big group we usually see one or two people being “free loader”. I don’t mind if it happen a few times but if it become a regular thing I am usually the guy that play the devil advocate and I’ll call them out.
Same thing with taking your shoes off when coming to somebody house. I don’t mind either way really but if I went to somebody else home and they expect me to take my shoes off and they don’t when they come to someone else place then I’ll call them out. Can’t have ‘em double standard ya know :)
Donny
I met and spoke to your mom briefly at Flanders Valley.
She did tell me about working really hard years back and
sometimes she would dance and
sing while working just to make
time pass quicker. She was a delight! Say hi to your sister and your niece for me. Your little nice is a cutey and she really enjoys music and dancing.
BTW, “thuong ve mien Trung” I sang
this past show was a bit rough. I really should stick with what I do best. My hats off to Quang Le, a fantastic live performer and a sweet person.
Thanks Hoang, Donny and Thu Hoai.
You guys are great…Imagine us going out for a drink one day! So much to talk about. BTW i’m from Australia-Sydney. Great to know Thu Hoai is a singer. I’m sure you did enough justice to the song Thuong ve Mien Trung. You might make a “que huong” song sound a bit more “sang”, which i think is good. Like Thanh Thuy and Bao Yen can do when they sing ” Dem Tan Ben Ngu “.
Aww Lam Dien you are just too too nice. Would love to get together for a drink sometimes :)
Heck get together for an awesome night of music and booze LOL :)
My husband did said I sang TVMT
“khong co giong NhuQuynh gi het” :)
NhuQuynh is an awesome singer and a really nice person. I sang with her with a local band years back before she join Asia. That night I sang “Unchained Melody” after the song, a beautiful young girl walked over and said “chi oi, chi hat bai do hay qua, chi hoc hat o dau vay?” I was very impressed by the young woman’s sweet face and her polite manners. I said thank you and after that this young woman ’s turn to sing and she sang like a bolero song which was good but like any local singer, she didn’t receive much applauds LOL ! Two years after that Asia success, NQ came back for a big show, then she still recognizes me and gave me a big hug:). Of course, now that the whole Viet community knows NQ, they wouldn’t leave her alone. I congratulates her and she was very gracious although I heard rumors that she wasn’t very nice to others.
Talking about Bao Yen, I love her voice because she is from Hue and I was born in QuangTri so I really feel alot of emotions when I listen to BaoYen.
I believe in equality and generosity goes along way. Being frugal is smart and I don’t consider that cheap. But when I feel you’re taking advantage of my friends and family then I will consider you cheap. So be considerate and fair to others because you don’t benefit in any relationship by being that selfish.